life
Game Of Monopoly Narrowly Avoided
CAMILLA, GA — A routine family game night almost ended in disaster after a young child asked to play Monopoly. Fortunately for everyone involved, better heads prevailed, and the game of Monopoly was narrowly avoided.The night nearly fell apart…
Family Just One Accidentally Opened Hotel Water Bottle Away From Bankruptcy
ANAHEIM, CA — Dad and budget hawk Kevin Peterson told his kids that the family was just one accidentally opened hotel minibar waterbottle away from complete financial ruin."Do NOT open that water bottle!" Peterson yelled at his…
Federal Judge Blocks Planned Parenthood Defunding – Again
Once again, a federal district judge has bailed out the abortion industry and ruled taxpayer monies – to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars – must keep flowing to Planned Parenthood. If you’re feeling a sense of déjà vu, I can’t blame…
Husband Issues Travel Ban On Any Trucks From Amazon
GEORGETOWN, DE — According to sources, local husband and father Randy Austin issued a house-wide travel ban on any vehicles coming from Amazon in a sweeping executive directive his wife found off-putting."I will permanently pause deliveries…
Court Frees NY Pregnancy Centers to Tell Women About Abortion Pill Reversal
A federal appeals court has ruled pregnancy resource centers are free to inform women about the life-saving potential of abortion pill reversal. Last year, New York Attorney General Letitia “Tish” James sued 11 faith-based, pro-life pregnancy…
Man Longs For Good Old Days When Black Friday Shopping Was Done In Person And Everyone Feared For Their Lives
BEAUMONT, TX — Local man Michael Strong looked wistfully out the window, longing for the good old days when Black Friday shopping was all in person and people feared for their very lives.Clicking a mouse to order a new bluetooth speaker, Strong…
‘No Thanks,’ Says Hungry Homeless Man After Being Offered Marshmallow Jello Salad
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — New reports indicated that local homeless man John Brill politely yet firmly refused a passerby's offer of free leftover marshmallow jello salad earlier today, despite having not eaten in several days.According to the…
Cheer Up, Libs! Here’s 10 Things Even You Can Be Thankful For This Year
Conservatism may be the superior political ideology, but don't beat yourself up, liberals. There's still plenty to be thankful for this year.Here are just a few examples:Trump will probably die before he's 100, so he can only be…
Mall Santa Prepares For Seasonal Gig By Cutting Off Ankle Monitor
BLOOMINGTON, MN — With Thanksgiving nearly here, local man Chad Erickson was reportedly eager to get back to his true passion as a mall Santa Claus and has already begun preparing for the gig by cutting off his ankle monitor."Can't let…
Man Torn Between Learning New Board Game Or Getting PhD In Quantum Physics
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Sources close to local man Bradley Mudd say that the 28-year-old is currently torn between learning a new board game and getting his PhD in quantum physics.Mudd began the internal debate Tuesday, as he began skimming through…